a reflection

Note: Though the tone of this post isn't necessarily positive ( :p ), it doesn't contradict yesterday's post! Just something that crossed my mind today and I thought worthy of thinking about.

"Your problem isn't that you make bad choices, it's that you identify the good choice and then intentionally do the opposite"

Particularly observant Scrubs-watching readers among you may recognise the above quote; said of Dr Cox by his therapist in the episode 'His Story'.

Seems to me to be an undesirable trait.

The worst thing about undesirable traits, though, is when you recognise them in others (in this case, a fictional character), make efforts not to let them manifest in your own behaviour, then later catch yourself doing them:

I had the opportunity to enter a travel writing competition recently. It came to my attention in November, and the deadline was yesterday (31st January). Writing, and specifically travel writing, are interests of mine - to the point of having been considered as 'career' options in the future. Yet despite this, despite writing two separate plans, formulating a basic structure and fleshing out with photographs to support the planned text, I managed to have only a thousand words (out of five thousand) written on the night before the deadline, and managed to persuade myself to postpone the submission of my entry until this time next year.

The issue here is twofold; firstly, there was ample time between November and the end of January to write the piece. There was also time to have it proof read two or three times, make necessary changes, leave it for a few days, then read it one last time with a more removed mindset, as a final screen for errors.

But instead it didn't get done.

Secondly, that I persuaded myself it would be 'easier' not to do something important to me. This is such a pointless and irritating thought process, and it's the one I'm most keen to rid myself of. I don't know if anyone's encountered it before? An example could be knowing that you have an appointment in half an hour, and that it takes twenty minutes to get there. The ten minutes between are spent thinking about reasons not to go to the appointment, even though there is no intention in the first place not to go.

It's hard to explain, and impossible to justify. There really is no reason for it to happen, and as I said before, it's the thought process I'm keenest to rid myself of.

If anyone has ideas of how to do so it'd be interesting to discuss them!