Friday, 23 October 2009

♫ I've been thinking...

and I've been known to think too much ♫

Some lyrics there from Newton Faulkner's "Lipstick Jungle". I think they're currently applicable to myself (and a lot of people a lot of the time). You can listen to the song below, thanks to Australia's 2dayfm:

I've never knowingly used lyrics as a post title before. I have thought about it, but they've just not seemed to fit properly until now. These lyrics are suitable because, as maybe evidenced in my previous posts, I've been thinking (and worrying) about a lot of things recently: money, flights, courses and people at home are amongst them.

Not letting these things hinder my enjoyment of my time in Canada has been my prime concern, and it's worked for the most part, although it's hard to put things out of your mind completely (especially when you're so far away from the people you'd usually speak to about things).

Today though, as I laid in bed trying to get to sleep, it hit me: there's no reason to let these things stress me out at all. Obviously they're important, and require my attention, but it doesn't have to be negative (and is probably more beneficial if it isn't).

Money isn't ideal, but I've got a budget I can live by. The flight situation isn't ideal, either, but it will be sorted soon and it's a lesson learned. Courses are already sorted, so I don't even know why it's still on my mind, and although things are hard for people at home, they're all capable of looking after each other and themselves, and while I'm not there physically I'd do whatever I could to help from here and it's reassuring to know that the feeling's mutual.

Another thing I've been thinking about is where this is all leading me, and whether I've made the right decisions along the way. I've come to the conclusion that no, I haven't always done so: some things in my past I could and should have done differently, but this is all in retrospect. If I'd done them differently then I wouldn't be where I am now, and even though the aforementioned things aren't always ideal, they're part of me as a person and part that I wouldn't want to lose.

From all of this I've gained a second wind: before I was just thinking "things are so bad, I wish I could go back and change them", and now it's closer to "things aren't even that bad, stop being such a whiny bitch and get on with making the things that are bad better".

This, combined with what I've always thought about mistakes (that as long as you learn from them, it's ok to make them), will hopefully lead to some positive changes in the way I think about and do things. I don't want to spend my life dwelling on past mistakes and become someone I don't want to be later down the line.

Anyway, please excuse the heavy going post. I plan to get back to my old blogging habits asap, and to include more pictures so you can see what I'm up to instead of sifting through reams of text for the good bits!


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